I got nothing… but my fella says that I need to sit down and write even though soon I’ll be making my way up to bed for another day. I don’t want to write about my week because I don’t feel like complaining… so when I say, “I got nothin’” it’s really more of that feeling of I have nothing left to give.
I’m an introvert. When I walk into a classroom, I play a pretty mean extrovert but classes only last a few hours and then I’ve always retreated into my office where I might meet one-on-one with someone or end up spending a little quality time with some books. At some point, I realized that my 6-hour daily commute (yes, you read that correctly) was really my need for a transition away from noise (which is incredibly ironic and hysterical if you know what I do) to silence.
This new position is a door-open-greet-those-who-walk-in kind of position and it is draining. More than any of the complaining about other nonsense, the hardest part is being *on* from the moment that I walk in to the moment that I leave with a mobile set to receive email alerts until about 6pm when I've decided that’s enough of that and I turn the world to silence. Today I had seven meetings before 2pm. SEVEN! Where is my processing time?
Last night my fella, who is also an introvert, went out to a Meet-Up Gaming group. I was so excited to be alone because I haven’t had much time alone… but I missed him because he knows how to be silent with me.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean that I like to be alone all the time. It’s just that functioning as an extrovert is so incredibly draining.
Wow, this scenario sounds familiar! The first few months at my job were very difficult. I had been on a six-month sabbatical, spending virtually all my time alone. Then suddenly I was surrounded by 200 new people in a be-available-to-everyone-all-day role. I am off-the-charts introverted, and being "on" for 8+ hours straight was almost more than I could handle. Every day, I thought I wouldn't be capable of going back the next day.
ReplyDeleteBut I struggled on... and it got easier over time. Before too long, I felt comfortable. Now I like my job. :)
I write this in hopes of providing some encouragement. I hope that you, too, find it gets easier over time. Good luck to you!
Thanks Bane. Fortunately this is my tenth year there and most folks in my department know me pretty well and are starting to recognize that being *On* the entire day is becoming a challenge. I work with some super amazing colleague-friends. I think three stopped in just to check on me today which was nice.
DeleteI really understand, what you mean <3
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeletePeople really don't understand why commutes on public transportation can be wonderful. As you know I have a 2 - 2.5 hour commute one way and I don't mind it one bit. I get reading done, grade papers, write in my journal, day dream ... I decompress even though NYC can be exhausting. What do you do during your commute?
ReplyDeleteI love you lady! Sending you strength during your time as department head. MUAH!
Thanks Love :D (for this comment and your texts of support).
DeleteI try to keep my commute full of *fun*. I think last year I decided that I wasn't reading for fun enough and found my commute an extension of work (e.g. responding to email). Blah. I started making the train a fun reading time. I've even gotten into Audible books for the driving portion of my commute. Of course right now I'm commuting and using the time to catch up on the Blogosphere :D
I keep my fingers crossed that you will find this situation easier to bare! Plus your 6 hours commute would wear down even the best of us... *hugs from afar*
ReplyDeleteThanks. I have some supportive introverted colleagues who have been offering advice. The big thing is setting boundaries and saying No to people. I'm not always good at that because I have this nurturer/helper personality... Which I'm finding needs some self-nurturing and self-help.
DeleteSometimes I don`t think it`s about been an introvert or extrovert, but it`s who you are with! I do find that little things can build up out of proportion if there`s no one there to share them with. Take hart at work that you will soon be home with your fella.
ReplyDeleteThanks App'y! I completely agree. A great deal of the interaction is one-time situations that (I hate to write this but) are time wasters. I'm not sure of a better way to say that. When our graduate assistant isn't at the front desk, the responsibility falls on me to give directions, point out office hours, etc.
DeleteI can totally feel what you are saying. I do not know if this is true but this is my experience: The American culture is more extrovert than for example Finnish. Finns are stereotyped as people who enjoy silence more than many other cultures and I feel this is true. So I can understand how exhausting acting like an extrovert for many hours a day (especially in your work!) feels like. :) Hope you get your balance back and have some wonderful silent time!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jade! Plus, you just made me realize that I'm probably Finnish ;D I completely understand what you mean. Americans are seen as loud music/ loud television watchers. We talk loudly in public. We're probably pretty obnoxious to most others. Of course, we're not all like that. I prefer to sit in a silent house without things blasting at me. I have a few friends who try to visit my house (not necessarily me!) because they say that my place is so much more relaxing. They don't realize their homes could be the same way :p
DeleteUntil I read your post I never thought "I'm an introvert". I just knew that I enjoyed my alone time A LOT!! But having said that I can also say I've noticed that too much alone time has crippled my social skills. I have worked from home for 6 years. I had previously been the office manager of a busy medical office and I was so happy when the opportunity presented itself for me to do my job from the comfort of my own home, but as time as gone by I've noticed that I have developed a tiny bit of anxiety that is unfounded. I sometimes dread having to interact with others and I'm not as confident in conversations as I used to be. For me, being thrown into the mix of people and conversations and the rest of the world keep me from going to far inside my own head and looking back now, that wasn't such a bad thing. Hope you get to enjoy more quiet, alone time to recharge.
ReplyDeleteThere are some common stereotypes about what it means to be an introvert. I don't think that most of my coworkers (unless they're friends who know me well) would presume that I'm an introvert. I present in front of groups of hundreds; I have no issues engaging in conversations; I wouldn't say that I'm socially awkward (ha ha ha but maybe just weird!) or a loner. I even go out places alone-- Unhappy Hours at The Poe Museum, dinner, etc It's just that when I'm playing the extrovert I need some downtime to process. I hate group work but that's probably because historically I was in groups with people in school who ended up not doing their share. I am better at coming up with ideas alone especially while I'm walking. I'm with you, I could not work at home for an extended period of time without some sort of interaction... But I find that if I'm on a crowded train and don't talk to anyone, that's still enough human contact to sustain me for a bit.
DeleteI know how you mean, Im an introvert with social anxiety who can pass for "normal" with efgort, but it burns me right out!
ReplyDelete