When I started writing this post, I didn’t realize how emotional I was going to become. While I’m super excited about participating in Bat Fit, I started feeling uncomfortable. I’m a bit of a slow processor with my emotions but this morning they flooded in.
In 2006, I finished my dissertation and began my university tenure track position. I was writing and publishing, and posting to an academic blog like crazy and this all helped me earn tenure and even my final promotion of full professor which officially takes effect in August. My marriage back then was awful. I drowned my sadness in work and in 2009, I finally left. At that point, there was a great deal of sadness going through what actually was my second divorce having been married quite young the first time BUT I was getting emotionally and physically healthy. I bought a house and ended up finding an awesome new fella whom I should have known would come one day. We’re getting married in December which we both said for years we would never do again but it’s happened quite organically and I feel that it is right. We want to be family *officially* and sadly in this world, one often needs a piece of paper to have the rights of hospital decisions and what not. So I’ve been promoted which comes with more money (yay!); I’m getting married (yay!); and, I’m even on sabbatical in the fall so my focus will be turning all my research into a book (yay!). But, I am scared to death!
There are so many ‘what if’s’. I don’t think I realized until now how incredibly nervous I am about all of it. Suppose I can’t get my manuscript completed by the deadline; suppose living with and marrying my love doesn’t work out. This is why I haven’t been journaling. This is why I have been eating emotionally. I’m in a state of avoidance. Admitting this to myself, I can pretty much hear my therapist ask, “So, what if it doesn’t work out?” I’m scared but that’s okay. So here I go:
My Goals for Bat Fit 2014:
- By January 2014, I will lose the weight that I have gained since beginning my job in 2006. My goal is to lose 25 pounds by the end of the year. This is the heaviest that I have ever been and I have become somewhat uncomfortable with my body. I have had a Don’t-Go-Over-This-Number for years and I’ve completely hopped over that weight. I’ve noticed that I haven’t bought any new clothes lately because of how I feel in my current clothes. This has to stop. I’m from a family of clinically morbidly obese women and I do not want the health scares that come along with this.
- I will practice portion control. I’ll pull out my old Weight Watcher At Home books and follow them. One of the helpful features of this is that I will be tracking what I consume. I’m an emotional eater so sometimes a bite here and there doesn’t seem like a big deal but it adds up. I need to stop skipping breakfast and I’m oddly intrigued by the idea of eating soup for breakfast.
- Now that I will be giving cemetery tours, I will be walking much more regularly. I’ll also be able to commit to daily walks this since I will be on sabbatical until January and do not have the extreme commute hanging over my head.
- I will keep my personal journal. This blog has awakened a part of me that I’ve long missed but I learned in therapy that I *have to* journal to stay healthy.
- I will limit my alcohol consumption. I’ve gotten into the habit of having mixed drinks almost nightly and that just isn’t a good health practice.