... a wedding with the right bouquet...

Nearly any wedding magazine or website will tell you not to compare your wedding; and, if you do, you’ll end up feeling disappointed. It’s hard to plan a wedding and not heed some advice. My favorite is that from Allison Wright’s Atlantic article, “The Serial Wife”. I read that serial wife Margo Howard takes comfort in the saying “Every woman should have a forgettable second husband.” This resonates for me. Thank you, Mrs. Howard.  I do!

It’s hard not to compare one’s wedding especially when one has already had two prior weddings (read that as two prior marriages). It’s hard not to compare when your fiancé himself has also had two prior weddings. That’s right, third time’s a charm for both of us. Even with the high rate of divorce, when I’ve said that I was marrying a third time I have been met with jokes (e.g. “Think this one will work out?”). This is the point where I simultaneously want to tell folks to go to hell while feeling the need to note that we’re not awful people; we chose poorly for ourselves. I mean, the marriages weren’t right but the weddings weren’t bad. In fact, it’s easy to get caught up on the wedding-train. The first time, I was the virgin bride and had a large Catholic wedding with all the bells and whistles; the second time, I went to Vegas and had my name in lights. Both weddings were a great deal of fun but also included numerous red flags as if the universe was trying to tell me to be in the moment, reflect, and reconsider.

 

I’ll start by mentioning the bouquet because it has been the symbol of weddings-gone-wrong to the point that when my fella and I planned to marry in December, I made my own ornament bouquet just so that a florist wouldn’t get it wrong *this time*.

The first time my bridal party was made up of my friends whose religions (Christian, Judaism, Islam, Taoism) varied as much as their tastes in flowers (sunflowers, orchids, lilies, daffodils, and daisies). I asked each of my bridesmaids to select their favorite flower which would make up their individual bouquets. My bouquet was supposed to be a creation of their favorite flowers, a wild happy mixture. The florist, who happened to be the grandmother of my first husband, decided at the last minute without telling me that she believed this eccentric wild flower assortment would not make an *appropriate* bridal bouquet. Right before the wedding began, I was presented with a white rose bouquet. I can’t even tell you if it was pretty because it was everything I didn’t want. From that moment on, I slowly watched myself get lost and succumb to others’ wishes.   

The second wedding was in Vegas. This time I did all of the planning and I ordered a lavender bouquet to match my lavender dress. Again, at the last minute I was handed a bouquet of white roses because the Vegas chapel florist decided I wouldn’t actually want purple on purple… even though that was my plan. This marriage was pretty much the repetition of my first (e.g. yielding to others and losing me in the process). Near the end, I sought and found the best therapist who encouraged me to follow my gut and always choose Me.

This third time everything has been different. I have been much more focused on the marriage while still having the wedding that I always wanted. For about a year the plan was to have a small Bed & Breakfast wedding in December with only a few close friends. Because of a household emergency (a burst pipe, etc.), we made a family decision (we considered ourselves family even before the paperwork) to move our wedding to October 26^th. Instead of a Winter Solstice princess, I was going to be a pumpkin princess! I love Halloween but I didn’t consider having a Halloween wedding because it felt much more me than us.  But, my fella loves fall and believed the fall foliage of Orange, Virginia would make for a great backdrop. I couldn’t agree more. 

We kept our decision to marry at the Holladay House Bed & Breakfast which continued along with my interest in Virginia history. The house was built in 1830. John Madison Chapman, a grand-nephew of President James Madison, was one of the earliest owners. The inn’s namesake is Dr. Lewis Holladay, who purchased the home in 1899 and used the building for his medical practice.  Registered with the National Register of Historic Places, the house is one of the two oldest surviving structures in historic Orange, VA. During the American Civil War, many Confederate leaders such as Robert E. Lee, J.E.B Stuart, A.P. Hill, and Jefferson Davis would have passed by while conducting business associated with the war. In February 1864, the Chapman family hosted a wedding reception for their daughter and her new husband who was an officer in Lee’s army. Attendees included a number of high-ranking Confederates, including Brigadier General J.E.B. Stuart.

 

The Holladay House Bed & Breakfast was able to accommodate the changes so with about two weeks to plan, I bought a new black dress, a strapless high-low waterfall gown from White House Black Market to replace the red dress I had previously purchased. Nearly every other part of my gothy- goth attire was easily transferable to my new dress (bat veil; bat shoe clips; black shoes; Vera Wang sash that actually cost more than the original red dress; jewelry, etc.) and fit with the new week of Halloween date.

Everything was organized and altered. However, this time I took a chance. I told the owner of Holladay House Bed & Breakfast that I liked fall flowers and that the florist wouldn’t be able to make anything “too weird” for my taste. I left it up to surprise and chance which is 100% outside of my comfort zone; but, I believe in signs and I knew it was going to turn out just fine… and it did.
My bouquet from Briarwood Florist was gorgeous with flowers of Anastasia Chrysanthemum (Rust), Alstroemeria Lily (Purple), Chamelaucium (Tinted Yellow), Chrysanthemum Pom Pom (Green), Hydrangea (Green), Mandevilla (Vine), Mega Bead (Black), and Satin Damask (Black/Black). I sent the florist a note requesting the names of each of the flowers used. I’m an amateur gardener but have a terrible habit of forgetting the names of plants and flowers.

I loved the little black balls tucked into the bouquet to add a little pizzazz. It was perfect. I added one of the Sugar Skull paper art clips to my bouquet. Originally these were intended to go in my best friend’s hair and to act as my best man’s boutonniere. The paper skulls include the Harold Pinter poem “I know the place” that I read during our ceremony.

This wedding was the first time that I looked like myself. It was also the first time that I was able to have everything that I wanted without having to settle. From my Bats Birdcage Veil by Emerald Angel Designs to my dress, shoes, and most importantly that bouquet, I looked just like Me… just a dressed up version. I surprised my groom with a hand-carved pumpkin from my good friend and expert pumpkin-carver Adam Bartley. He designed the pumpkin to match the Art Deco style of the announcements we had planned to use.

During our ceremony, I read “I know the place” by Harold Pinter; he read “Orient” by Billy Collins. Our ceremony was intimate and heartfelt. It was just Us; the officiant; and the owner of Holladay House Bed & Breakfast who took our pictures. At the end of the ceremony we were together, not swept up by family and friends or a photographer. This was my favorite part of all.

I can’t even express how nice getting married at the Holladay House has been.  The owner, Sharon, went out of her way to make all of the changes to our wedding, to recommend restaurants and events, and to help make our stay amazing. On our last day when we were on our way out of town, we arrived at Elmwood at Sparks, a small café with the most delicious food and pumpkin ice cream to die for, only to discover that they soon would stop serving lunch. When we asked if we had made it in time, we discovered that Sharon had already called ahead so they stayed open for us!   

We stayed at the Holladay House for a few days before heading home. The fall foliage was amazing and we were able to spend some time at local pumpkin farms and Montpelier. I’ll write about this in another post.  

More wedding pictures can be found on Flickr.