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| Midnight Mystery Asiatic Lilies |
I
haven’t been feeling well the last few days. My body feels rundown and somewhat
achy. My ears feel full. I check my weather app to see if the allergens are
high in the area; they aren’t. Do I have the flu? Have I gotten Rocky Mountain
Spotted Fever? Did a pesky mosquito give me some virus? Last night I fell
asleep watching a show with my fella. I slept for 9 hours. I woke up only to
still not feel better.
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| Midnight Mystery Asiatic Lilies |
This morning was the Richmond
Daylily Society Show and Sale at the local botanical gardens. I headed there,
purchased some lily bulbs, headed home and proceeded to plant ten daylilies and
some iris bulbs a friend gave me. The best medicine for me is always the magic
of plants and gardening. Now I’m the right kind of exhausted. And, I’m
reflecting on why I’ve been so down lately. This entire week I have been quite
melancholy even with friends visiting and good weather. Nearly a month ago, I
took my mother on a trip to Savannah. My fella says that [as a bit of an
empath] I’m still recuperating.
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| ‘Nosferatu’ Daylily |
My
mother says that I don’t trust anyone. As I was planting my bulbs from the
daylily show, I had to trust that the labels were correct. My mother says that
I don’t have any patience. I am so patient that I frequently wait an entire
year for plants to bloom. This year, my Superstition Iris didn’t bloom. I most
likely planted it too deep and fixed that by replanting it. I’m slightly
disappointed but not enough for me to not be excited about its future
potential. It really is that gorgeous.
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| Pagan Dance Iris |
I’m
not being dramatic when I write that it will be our last mother and daughter
trip. My mother is nearing her 80s and her physical health is not great. She
has limited mobility, arguably by choice. Aside from her physical health, her
mental and emotional health have never been good.
And, after 45 years of trying
to be whatever she wants or hopes me to be as her daughter, and over a decade
of therapy, I’ve learned that I will always have a biological need to want my mother
to like me; and, I am not the labels she has applied to me. I will struggle with
accepting this the rest of my life but I certainly do not have to put myself in
a position to deal with her on a daily basis.
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| Columbine |
I
joke that I have mommy issues but when I put my hands in the soil, I think of Mother
Nature, the personification of nature that gives life and nurtures in a way
that I believe a real mother should. Humans are complicated. Plants continue to
save my life every single day.
