... correcting the space- the anniversary post...

I know the place.

It is true.

Everything we do

Corrects the space

Between death and me

And you.”

                              ~ Harold Pinter

Today is our anniversary (at 4pm today last year I married my fella!) Because it’s a school night, we went out to dinner on Saturday night. Our plans changed slightly. We stayed in town which was much more sensible considering this semester. I’m actually going to a funeral tomorrow so I won’t be going in to work. Tonight we’ll just hangout and not do much.

My fella and I don’t follow traditional gift-giving customs. We don’t give holiday or anniversary presents since we give each other gifts throughout the year. We do like to share events and even dining out is an event to us. We both eat rather slowly and we enjoy talking. We often notice other couples racing through their meals… or at least it seems that way to us. Of course, we were each the last family member in our families to finish eating a meal.

On Saturday night we went to The Melting Pot, a fondue chain restaurant that can be a bit pricey as a family-member notes, “for a restaurant where you have to cook your own food.”  The Melting Pot has become one of our dining traditions. We order a bottle of wine and take our time. Our dining experience is always 2 ½ hours easily but it is time without texting others or being distracted by social media and life.

Even when we’re alone and I’ve made breakfast at home, we sit and talk for hours until the food and coffee is cold. We still have so much to say and learn. I look forward to being with him daily.

... balloons and lights...

 
Today was good.

Today was fun.

Tomorrow is another one.

~ Dr. Seuss

I’ve always been a girl who likes ridiculous things. I don’t care how cheesy or cliché vampires become; I LOVE THEM! And, I love fun things. So while today was a day of running errands, I was enjoying the sad leftover Halloween decorations in the grocery store during our shopping trip. About this time in our season, Halloween has nearly disappeared from most retail stores around here and Christmas has already crept in. Sigh. I wish they would at least wait until the day after Halloween. But there were still a few displays in the grocery store to remind me that Halloween is in 6 days!!!

After checkout and on our way out the door, my fella literally sat down two bags of groceries and ran to buy the only vampire balloon in the grocery store. I hadn’t seen it but he did. Awww. my fella loves me.

 

 

I’m a spoiled girl. He even purchased some solar lights for the pumpkin patch. The lights are bats and spiders…and they even blink!

... life and death-- shadowy and vague...

The boundaries which divide 

Life from Death 

are at best shadowy and vague.

Who shall say where the one ends,

and where the other begins?

~ Edgar Allan Poe

My other fella’s mom died. She passed on Thursday night after a long brave battle with cancer.

Cancer Sucks!

I had just chatted her up at her other son’s wedding reception last weekend. We discussed my wedding pumpkins that I’ve been growing, her nearly pumpkin-size tomatoes that she had been growing, our ex-husbands, Southern food especially potato salad, and basically our love for her other son aka my other fella.

She was a brave, very cool lady who raised one of the best people I know. I didn’t know her as a close friend; I wasn’t a family member. There are so many people grieving for her that I have to consider grief circles. She has this inner circle of those who are terribly sad and lost. This circle includes family members and close friends.  But, she also has numerous other circles of mourners which include those of us who were touched by her in some way.

She laughed hard and played well with others. It was the little touches that I remember such as she was always put together. When her cancer became unmanageable, she used marijuana for medicinal purposes and kept it in a Vera Bradley bag.

Death leaves the living with unanswered questions that we forgot to ask because the time was never “right” or we forgot because it wasn’t important in the moment. Death also makes us question our own relationships. Is this person important in my life? If so, tell them now! Does this person bring too much drama? If so, isn’t life too short for such nonsense?

When my other fella’s mom passed, I called my mom hysterical. “Don’t die,” I cried. Mom responded, “I’ll try not to.” Cancer has touched nearly all of my family members. It took my grandmother when she was in her early 60's. 

My mom just dropped by with some Halloween presents along with a great-grandmother’s platter and some other “do you want this? We’re throwing it out” items. It was a light-up skull. Um, yes. I’ll take it to my office. She's 74. I asked her to live at least forty more years. "I'll try my best," she hugged me. 

My friend’s mom had a hard time eating in the end. Part of our conversation was about food digestion and how when you’re older or ill, some things just aren’t worth eating. I think there is probably a good Bat Fit post in that message but that is for another day.

It’s been a still, quiet few days of worry about my friend and reflection about loss. Dying in October when the leaves are turning always seems more profound, more painful. Nature is reminding us that this too shall pass. 

The hibsicus bloom here was ready to open the very next morning but an overnight frost stunted it. One never knows when nature will end a life. 

Friends, go forth and hug someone! And whatever your faith, lift up some love/ say a prayer/ light a candle for my other fella's mom, Sandra.