... 8 years of this 6-hr daily commuting lifestyle choice...

Thanks to Trystan at This is CorpGoth, the Mid-Month Status Report is all about daily commutes. When I first saw the topic, I thought about all the times I've had to explain my work commute to others who simply shake their heads. I think I always utter, "it's a lifestyle choice". 

This is partly why this semester's sabbatical is so nice. Not only am I focusing on research but I don't have to watch up before dawn. But let me just get on with it....

4:30 am – alarm goes off

5:20ish am- headed to car to drive 42 miles to train parking lot **The 3-hr (123 mile) commute begins here.

6:15ish- parked in lot; walk ½ mile to train station

6:30- catch train in Fredericksburg, VA headed to Washington Union Station (DC)

8:05am- IF the train is on time, arrive at Washington Union Station

8:15am- catch university shuttle

8:30am- arrive on campus

8:35am- walk in my office

I’m an extreme commuter… slightly by choice but mostly by the nature of the position.  I’m a college professor and while that isn’t unique, I teach at the only university of its kind so I either live there (that for various reasons—cost, former marriage, etc. I couldn’t when I started) or I commute.  One can’t just drive into Washington, D.C. during rush hour. If I drive in, I would need to leave by 2am to arrive before traffic or at 8am to arrive on campus after 10:30am. That’s when there isn’t any sort of construction or traffic jam… and that is never the case.

Faculty members typically have 9-month contracts. This is my 8^th year in the position and each and every summer I have chosen to teach a summer course or do some type of summer work on campus. I love my job and the only aspect of it that I don’t care for is the commute; however, I NEVER EVER let myself get down about it. Once you have it in your head that you can’t or don’t want to do something, it sticks. That’s just basic psychology. So when folks tell me I can’t do this forever, I smile; they have just empowered my stubborn side to keep at it. Whenever I have a slight fussy moment, I think about all that I get to do and see because of the commute (e.g. daily sunrises; deer running by the train; naps on the train; completing “homework” on the train so that when I’m home I am home; journaling; reading, sipping coffee and gazing out the window, etc.)  For the most part, I actually enjoy my commute. I’m not driving much and when I do there is very little traffic on the road.

Cherry Blossoms

Washington Monument

Most afternoons, I really try to catch the 3:05pm shuttle so that I can catch the 3:30 train. If there is one tiny hiccup (a colleague comes in to chat; a last minute email request; a student who missed office hours and has a question, etc.), the entire schedule to thrown off. One semester I taught until 5pm and didn’t get home until 9pm on teaching days (typically Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays). Usually, I’m home by 7pm.

Commuter trains have their own culture. I won’t necessarily get into that but I will say that since I’ve been doing this for 8 years, I recognize those who have been riding consistently for years. I used to get weird stares in the beginning but now that I’ve been around long enough if there are any comments, they’re related to the commute. 

Essentials:

I have destroyed many commuter bags until I found one that I just couldn’t destroy. Several years ago when I was at a conference at Disney World, I saw the Disney Nightmare Before Christmas Jack Lola Satchel and was completely in love. I had never spent THAT much money on a bag in my life. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have hesitated one bit. In fact, I haven’t used another commuter bag for work since I bought the Harveys bag. It is tough and it is beautiful!

A churchyard full of pumpkins in the fall

I always travel with an umbrella, hand sanitizer, toilet paper (if you’ve ever used a bathroom in a train station you’ll understand this is a necessity!), wet wipes, basic meds, multiple pens which is a no brainer for me, ziplock bags, books, goodness… what is NOT in my bag?!?

In the winter, I mostly commute in Docs. They’re comfortable and water resistant (and snow resistant!). I usually bring shoes to change into in my office but some days I just leave on the Docs *shrug*.

Even in the heat of Virginia summers, I always have a jacket because the train AC will freeze ya.

It’s all about perspective. Cost to commute is approximately $500 a month with train tickets and gas. If I lived in DC, my mortgage and daily living costs would be MUCH higher. I can come up with a thousand little ways to rationalize all of this. The fact is, it's a hard commute but because I have chosen this lifestyle I'm *okay* with it.

Commuter zombies making way to cars

 All and all, I like my small town and the access to Richmond, Virginia but I also like my job. It's better to find joy in aspects of the daily journey than to complain, which would only make life harder.

... with this ring, I thee GWEEE..

wedding band and black diamond heart promise-to-me-from-me ring

Americans spent almost $7 billion on diamond rings in 2012. This wasn’t the case back in 1938 when diamond sales were at an all-time low. This was partly due to the Great Depression and partly because diamonds were considered a waste of good money that could be used for household goods. Of course, this was also when De Beers, who controlled the world supply of rough diamonds, decided to engage in a little sentimental campaigning. The story continues but our love for diamonds really boils down to good ol’ marketing.  I’m not knocking the love of jewelry by any means. In fact, I love jewelry and spend way too much on it too often. But, I am not a lover of diamonds. I don’t think they’re awful; they’re just not my go-to stone.

3.81 cts. MONTANA PYROPE GARNET

When I was little, I was very close with my maternal grandmother to the point that she would tell me that when she died her diamond engagement rings and wedding bands would be left to me. Because that isn’t at ALL creepy or weird when you’re a little girl :-/ My grandmother had two sets. The original set is made up of tiny diamonds in an elaborate vintage setting. Years later, my grandfather gave her a larger diamond solitaire (a ¼ carat) in a plain setting. I recall that both of these sets, worth very little monetarily and much more emotionally, were part of heated discussions by my mother’s sisters who each have daughters. For various reasons, my grandmother wanted to leave the rings to me instead of dividing them between my cousins. I could go on a little family commentary about how I believe that based on the character of my cousins and their mothers that the rings and the diamonds would have been hocked over the years but that’s really not the point of this tale. My grandmother’s rings sat in various jewelry boxes for years… and years… and years. When I was in high school, my mother had the older set sized for me to wear on special occasions but because it was yellow gold I never wore it much so again they waited in a box. A few years back, after my second marriage ended and I indeed sold my engagement ring, a ¾ carat Princess cut stone, I took the money along with my grandmother’s second diamond to a jeweler and had the ring reset from a simple yellow gold band to one that I would wear… and twisted setting surrounded by black diamonds. I wear the ring daily and it indeed reminds me of my grandmother whom I’m named after.

Coffiny ring & grandma's diamond reset

When my fella and I became engaged last year we did so in an unconventional way just as much of our relationship has been. We were standing in the middle of a jewelry store on Black Friday. We were only at the mall because my fella needed an oil change and the mall was just down the street. Instead of heading home we figured we would kill time and window shop. As I was looking at a gorgeous black sapphire ring with links (like a bracelet so that it wiggled!) and being mesmerized by its beauty, my fella simply said, “I think I’ve found your ring”. He was right. It was a black rhodium diamond ring with marquise shape accents that includes just enough of a vintage appeal for me to fall in love. Our engagement was more of a decision instead of a *Surprise! Will you marry me?* proposal. In the end, I got the perfect ring for me at about ½ of the price of the ring I was ogling in the store.

For over a year I heard the “Where’s the engagement ring?” Many of my friends didn’t even know we were engaged because I didn’t wear one and we didn’t make an official announcement. Again and again, we wanted this to be about our marriage… not a wedding or an engagement. But, I am a girl who is very much like a crow. I love rings and all things that sparkle so when I saw a chunky black diamond heart on Etsy, my own heart nearly melted. Maybe I needed an engagement ring, I wondered.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I simply wanted the stone because it was cool. I didn’t need a symbol of a commitment… or did I? I’ve noted that this wasn’t my first or second marriage. Each time I’ve somehow lost myself. This time, I promised, would be different. At that moment I realized that I needed a promise ring TO ME FROM ME. Of course, I had already gifted myself with a few rings—my grandmother’s new setting; and, I had found a garnet that was shaped a bit like a cartoony coffin which I had set in a ring with black diamonds. Nevertheless, when you’re going to truly COMMIT to yourself why follow the one ring norm?! I bought that black diamond heart that was set in a cheap (read that as crappy) silver setting with the idea that I would have it reset. I did. Yesterday I picked it up with new little garnet friends dancing down the new ring. Joining the other rings on my fingers, I now have a new setting and a recommitment to myself. I will be who I am; this marriage will allow me to grow, not disappear. And oh my, look at those pretty stones.

... chin up! Mourning Attire isn't just exhibited in NYC...

The MET with its exhibit, Death Becomes Her: A Century of Mourning Attire is 323 miles from my home. That’s about 6 hours by car or a little over an hour by plane… and then there would be the cost of a hotel and so on. It’s more the time issue than anything else. I have been go-go-go for a while now and the thought of another adventure away from home just doesn’t excite me.

I’ve been mourning the mourning attire exhibit. On Wednesday night I went to The Valentine for a tour guide meeting. After the meeting, we were able to look around at the newly renovated building along with the new exhibit, This is Richmond, Virginia. When I walked in… there it was! Across the room in all of its stunning glory stood an 1863 Mourning Dress worn by Mrs. Benjamin Rose. The fabric is gorgeous.  The Victorians dressed so much better than we do today.

I wanted to nerd-out and take a ton of pictures but I vaguely remember signing paperwork about photographs and social media being a No-No; and since I can’t quite remember, I’m going to link to The Valentine. Of course their pictures are much better than any I could take anyway.

Beginning in the spring of 1861, Richmond, like many other communities learned first hand the price of war. The outbreak of fighting in early American Civil War conflicts like the artillery bombardment of Fort Sumter, the Battle of Philippi and the First Battle of Bull Run (or First Manassas) saw the first casualties.  Richmonders buried their dead, and the survivors went into mourning dress. Some never returned to wearing anything but black.  

   

Mrs. Benjamin Rose and her family moved from Richmond to the safety of Orange, Virginia, for the duration of the Civil War. Among the surviving Civil War era clothing in the Rose donation, this black silk gown indicates that Mrs. Rose assumed mourning in memory of a death in 1863.  Following the surrender of the Confederacy, the Roses, like many other families, returned to Richmond and began the process of rebuilding their lives. 

Gift of Mrs. Yetta Schwerin and Mrs. Mia Bigger, 1962

The Valentine

While the exhibit only included one mourning dress (because well, that wasn’t the focus), I feel as though the universe was smiling on me. The exhibit also included an 1888 tombstone that was once in Oakwood Hebrew Cemetery. The cemetery opened in 1866 and when the family replaced the maker a newer one in 2003, they donated the weathered one to the museum. I’m looking forward what else is in store from the museum.  

...tours, plans, and meeting with a local artist...

Halloween is never really over. Just a little over a week has passed and many of us are already considering Halloween 2015. 

This has been a somewhat hectic week already. Friday and Saturday included three cemetery tours and yesterday included an exciting meeting about next year’s proposed Halloween tour. These tours are all part of The Valentine, a museum that was opened on November 21, 1898 with a focus of collecting, preserving, and interpreting the history of Richmond, VA.

The Valentines have a family plot in Hollywood Cemetery and I enjoy telling a bit of their story. Founder Mann S. Valentine Jr. made his fortune from the production of Valentine’s Meat Juice, a health tonic made from beef juice which reached its greatest success in 1881 when President Garfield said after being shot in an assassination attempt that he breakfasted on Valentine’s Meat Juice along with toast and a poached egg.

The museum has undergone an extensive renovation and tomorrow after a tour guide meeting, I will be able to tour the newly opened exhibits.

Yesterday’s meeting was with Richmond artist Noah Scalin who is often known for his Skull-A-Day art project. The project was a personal endeavor to create a skull every day for a year. He did! In 2008, Larks Books published a book which included 150 images of his work. This year (October 2014) Chop Suey Books published a new Skull-A-Day book featuring all 365 of his original skulls.

I actually met with Noah because I’m developing a Halloween History tour. While I plan to include the history of Halloween in the United States, I also want to include local traditions.  There is a section of The Fan in Richmond that goes all out during Halloween. Hanover Avenue has become known for its over-the-top decorations.  Talking to Noah, I learned about his personal experiences as a kid going to the street for trick-or-treating. Of course since we’re basically the same age, the discussion went to former alternative shops where we used to buy earrings (my favorite was a noose), local eats, and other hangouts. Perhaps Noah was even a bit of the inspiration for me finishing my terrarium project yesterday evening. 

Planning the tour is just another way to keep the spirit alive. As Dickens *should have written* I will honor Halloween in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

... making tiny graveyards and a skull terrarium...

With my dad's ability to see potential in everything, my mom's sheer crafty-nature, and growing up in a world where nothing was quite me, I love a good DIY project. 

A few years back I saw a post on Pinterest of a graveyard terrarium for sale. Ha! I can do that, I thought; and, I did. The terrarium(s) (because I ended up creating a small one out of a champagne coupe with moss from my backyard) have been in my life since March 2012. Last year while I was cleaning some of the plant smudges from the larger terrarium, something moved inside and I about had a heart attack! How was the undead returning from their plastic gravestones?!? 

Nevertheless, I discovered that I had trapped an earthworm in the terrarium. He lived in their for about three years. Poor little guy. He was freed into the garden (with my mom whispering that he probably would have a better life remaining in the terrarium). But freedom is freedom.

I recently polished off the contents of my large Crystal Head Vodka, which was purchased during last year's Black Friday sale so it took me almost a year to drink. I wanted a little project so I decided that with a few chopsticks and some patience, I could make this tiny opening work. TADA! Another terrarium is ALIVE! (Hopefully sans any earthworms)