...a lesson in saving roses...

Today's star- The Rose!

A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. 

~ Leo Buscaglia

This afternoon…um, let’s just change this to today… I attended the Master Gardener General Membership Meeting to meet a fellow blogger (Connie from Hartwood Roses) and see her lecture Roses 101. While the star of the show is the rose (Connie brought in this little yellow fella!), I have to start with the *warm welcome* that I received upon entering the restroom. I originally snapped this picture only to share with my fella (and perhaps my Facebook friends); however, since I've mentioned before how I like circular stories where we begin and end in the same place, I think the sign is a bit of foreshadowing.

Rosarian Connie Hilker, an expert on historic roses who is also a member of the Board of Trustees of the Heritage Rose Foundation, gave a lecture to help those with rose-anxiety. Connie seems like the right person for this lecture seeing that she has 800 varieties of roses in her garden! She hasn't been a rose expert for that long either. She only started her rose career in 2002, which really doesn’t seem like that much time to acquire so many “strange, rare, unavailable but worthy” (her words) roses.   

The meeting started at 12:30 and within about an hour, I learned that roses love clay (huh! In Ashland that’s pretty much all we have AND that was one of my main reasons for not having roses!) I learned about what harms roses (e.g.  “Black Spot happens” aka a fungal disease we experience here in Virginia because of the high humidity; insects and mites; Rose Rosette disease which is a virus that is highly contagious and deadly to roses). I learned about the classes of roses (I have all kinds of notes that I’ll need to research in order to truly comprehend); and, I saw some really beautiful pictures of Connie’s roses. I attended this lecture not because I want to dive into the world of rose ownership (although Connie convinced me that I would like to have at least one in my garden) but because I'm going to be one of the volunteers at this weekend's Hollywood Cemetery rose pruning event. I wanted to have at least a bit of rose vocabulary under my gardener's belt before the big day.

A new journal in hand, I took numerous notes!

Even more than the information about roses, I discovered that Connie is my kind of people. She told an elaborate yet lighthearted story about taking a cutting of a rose that was under a No Trespassing sign. (This is the circular part of the story that makes me giggle about the earlier sign). It seems that her story, and her "What if a police office shows up asking questions" speech seemed a bit too practiced like just maybe she's almost been caught in the act. After today, I can completely imagine Connie running with pruning shears in one hand and a fresh cutting in another yelling that she's saving the roses! Seriously, perhaps that was her most brazen move but she admits that she’s “stealing with a conscience” meaning that she can offer a better future for a plant that could be completely destroyed either by neglect or by those who simply have no idea what they’re doing. As for the sad little rose that Connie spotted under the signage, the entire bush and all the surrounding plant life had been destroyed the next time she went down that road so she by taking that cutting that afternoon she just may have continued that plant's life. In my head I'm considering her a plant necromancer although I'm sure the Science Fiction nerds (like my fella) will give me a formal definition that doesn't picture Connie under a No Trespassing sign. *Shrug* 

Connie also explains that while a cutting here and there doesn’t hurt a rose bush, she emphasizes that you should always leave the bush better than you found it. So if you’re taking a cane, make sure you clip away the dead parts so that the bush will thrive. See Plant Necromancy!!! because plant-giver-another-lifer just doesn't roll off the tongue.

Yikes I look crazy!

After the lecture, we decided to go for coffee… a 4-hour coffee break. I had (still have) a few more papers to grade and she has a ton of prep-work for the Hollywood Cemetery pruning event this Saturday. That being said, how often is it that you find your people and truly have something to share with another human being. 

Connie is a historian and a scholar of roses; she’s a collector and lover of antiques—she’s the kind who knows that each piece has its own story and that that is meaningful in itself; she loves her furry friends; she loves nature and working with her hands. She has a DIY spirit. We’re really not that different but I think we both knew that before our face-to-face meeting. After all, we’ve been blogger friends for a few months now. But this is only the first chapter in what I believe will be a long (and certainly interesting) friendship (as long as no one gets arrested! :P)

 

On my way out of town, I snapped these pictures of Fredericksburg, VA.

... supporting the (local) arts...

Local artist Abigail Larson writes, “I've taken the leap and joined Patreon!
Why? To fund the personal projects I've been talking about completing for the last 5 years! Help bring Poe, Lovecraft, and fairytale adaptions to life!
If you're interested in getting involved in helping to fund my first project, my own re-telling and fully illustrated dark version of "Beauty and Beast," become a patron by following the link below - and please help spread the word!” 

To participate, visit: https://www.patreon.com/abigaillarson 

... the broken glass...

As bloggers, we open up ourselves to readers and often reveal our personal business. I try to keep others’ privacy. This post may not seem that way but I assure you that I am writing it from my own perspective and am trying my best to respect my family.

 

That being said, this morning’s post included that I would be going to help my dad clean out my brother and his ex-wife’s storage unit. It’s important to note that she still has me listed as “sister” under her Facebook relationships (because we all know that that is oh-so-significant). She has moved on and I think from the pictures and posts her new fella seems great. Her family seems happy too. I’m silently waiting to be unfriended… even though we did become friends, I’m a friend because she was married to my brother. 

While I will mourn that moment that she forever disappears, I also pray for it because then I’ll know that she has truly moved on.

Cleaning out the unit, I had a list of personal items that she wanted to keep. Writing that the storage unit was a mess would be an understatement. And because the items have been in a non-climate controlled unit for six plus years, the boxes were starting to deteriorate. For the most part, I found her wish-list items with a few pieces completely missing because good lord those two couldn’t pack but they didn’t really have time… but that’s another story and one that is not mine to share.

The point of this blog is about loss. I’ve divorced twice and each time it was messy and complicated but in the end, I was okay… even happier. I’m trying to remember that. What I never considered was how my friends and family members were experiencing a loss too. Once my dad even asked if he could contact my ex so that the two of them could attend an event together. My response was something like, “OHMYGOD DAD! NO!!!!”  Only after I found out about my brother and ex-sister-in-law’s divorce could I understand how my father felt. These people we attach ourselves to become family. How did I never understand this? I was so caught up in my own relationship ending that I failed to remember this. 

Our culture has so many rituals for relationships beginning and how to include family and friends; yet, we don’t have any for the end of relationships… for family and friends that is.

Today when I was going through the boxes, I found one of the coolest wedding keepsakes that I’ve ever seen. I never saw this in their home. It’s the glass from the end of the wedding ceremony. The one that is shattered and everyone shouts of "Mazel Tov.” A company has taken the pieces and created a custom-cast lucite keepsake. With it, I found the card which reveals the symbolism behind the tradition. The last paragraph sent me in a blubbering of tears to my fella. “We must always remember the care required to maintain” all of our bonds—to our spouse, our significant others, our best friends, our loved ones. Relationships must be nurtured if they are to remain alive. Always tell loved ones, "I love you" and mean it. I spent about five hours at the storage unit with my father. He's nearly 77 and while healthy, that is a great amount of work. We laughed about our father-daughter bonding while trading swears about my brother's packing habits. But seriously, the day was sad for both of us, for my mother, and for my now ex-sister-in-law whom I was texting throughout the day.

Here the keepsake will sit on my bookshelf because I didn’t have the heart to throw it away and neither of them wants to be reminded of the sadness.  I look at it and I am reminded of my participation in their wedding, how she pulled me into the circle when she was dancing with only women in her family. My family is Catholic but that meant something to me. I was her family and she was mine. Now I am grieving their divorce again although it was several years ago, and I am grieving my own disconnect from what was our family. I am also reminded to take heed of my own relationships and make sure that they, like the little flowers that will soon sprout in my garden, are being nurtured too.

... pausing for spring...

Until therapy about six years ago, I never quite comprehended the term “break” or “vacation”. When I was a student in college, Spring Break meant extra hours to work to pay for college costs and books. While my students head to beach week and even my peers travel, I find myself looking at Spring Break as Spring *Catch Up/ Research/ Help Out/ Rendezvous/ Breathe*.

spontaneity & beach custard

The weekend was an unplanned exercise in busy. Saturday morning I ran errands with my fella and then on Saturday night while driving to go pick up my Babushka, I noted one of the new interstate signs that notes the travel time to various sites. When I arrived, I asked if she had a curfew. Nope. Off we headed to the Atlantic Ocean because why not. Virginia Beach is about 100 miles from us. Of course, Washington, DC is about the same distance but with traffic that just isn’t always doable. We arrived to a beautiful 65 degree windy night with amazing clouds and even better waves. We walked on the beach. I put my feet in and the water was like ice! We ate at The Raven just because that is always where we eat; then, we walked the boardwalk while eating custard with “jimmies” (aka sprinkles). Of course the drive was part of the adventure and time with her is never a wasted. We talked about everything like we have since we were little. During the semester, I am often to worn out from commuting and teaching to connect with my friends. Together time happens only on the weekends or on semester breaks. 

Before- you can see the crosses and a Peter Murphy print

Sunday was the-unexpected-we-haven’t-hung-my-fellas-artwork-and-mirror-because-it-takes-him-a-zillion-years-to-decide-on-everything (and yet, he chose me!) time to blend our home. All of my artwork came off the walls (I had actually removed the 40 crosses months ago because *THAT* was the only thing that bothered him (never mind the “haunted Victorian carriage” or the “haunted coffin-shaped journal” which he frequently mentions). I have collected crosses for as long as I could remember and honestly, it was time for a change. I kept my favorites and those that are especially sentimental such as one of the crosses that I picked up at one of the Missions while visiting my friend in San Antonio, Texas.  On the flight home, I ended up detaining my mother and me. I carefully packed the cross in my suitcase and when TSA asked if I had any weapons, I laughed and said, “Only if you’re a vampire”. That was the wrong answer if you want to get through security quickly :p

After- the merging of pieces

Anyhow, my fella and I blended our pieces. I like to call it Mythological meets Macabre although most of the macabre is actually in knickknacks in the cabinet and on the coffee table not pictured.The wall color is actually a light lavender although it appears white in this photo.

After- stairs with bridal portrait

After my metaphorical pruning post, I actually had some time yesterday to get into my backyard and clean up a bit. I did some pruning touch-ups and cleaned out some left over leaves from the fall that ended up under the snow. I’m itching for flowers! But instead, I am going to help my father clean out my brother and his ex-wife’s storage unit. They moved out of state years ago and my folks have been footing the bill for the storage unit. Sigh. If I don’t help, it’s all on my father and it isn’t like he’s getting any younger. Today’s philosophy- if it can’t be donated, throw it out! How bad could a storage unit me :-/ (I shouldn’t ask).

When I get home, I really want to tackle the school work (feedback on papers, lesson planning, etc.) so that tomorrow I can write my paper for a presentation in April that will be here before I know it. Oy!

...guest blogger post...

Hey Look! I'm the guest blogger over at The Cemetery Researcher!

... Spring! metaphorical pruning and feeling lighter...

Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

In my last post, I was discussing my proverbial winter cloud and how my over-commitment was catching up with me. Then I was asked by the Faculty Development Fellow to participate as a where the topic was Just Say No! Service without over-commitment… of course I said, “Yes”. Turns out I was exhibit A- what not to do. Oy!

Spring is a time for growth and sometimes that hurts a bit. I’ve been practicing pruning back parts of my commitments. My week was busy and I was anxious. I had to have a meeting with the big boss in order to resign from a position that is no longer right for me. I’m actually glad that I filled up my week with activity so I didn’t have much time to think about it.

Birthday Brunch dress

But as with pruning, a gardener never cuts back the entire plant. This week I said “Yes” to some international visitors who wished to observe my class and discuss teaching pedagogy related to my research. Saying “Yes” to that was actually life-changing. I've been given some truly awesome opportunities at my workplace and this one was among my favorite. I was crazy emotional about it and even cried (I cry; that’s just me). These visitors were from the land of my ancestors and my appearance resembled theirs much more than it resembles folks from my own country. There were multiple languages and interpreting galore. I was in complete awe. I’ve had four languages occurring in a class before but this was something special. It was a little bit like finding one’s home for the first time. I was also listening to the language that I would have spoken had my grandparents not immigrated to the States. Sadly, it’s so very American for us to stop speaking our family language. As a youngin’, I thought my dad was simply making up words but he was actually speaking the words that he heard his parents use. I never met my paternal grandparents. They died before I was even born. The only word of their language that I can recall is gotchies (underwear)- sigh.

A BIG present from Mom

My parents are aging and I am aging. It’s hard not to reflect when one is a walker of cemeteries. Last weekend, and one of the reasons that I didn’t have a chance to write a post—along with it being midterm week, I had a birthday brunch with my family which we postponed from a few weeks ago because of the icy conditions. My mom gave me a giant book bag for a present. It’s a bit difficult to see how large this actually is but it’s the size of a messenger bag. I really just want to stock it with books and giggle.

My Kay Adams obsession continues

I am feeling lighter. If I can just make it through one more workday, Spring Break is upon me. This is a time to move and have some new adventures… while I do have a few writing assignments that I HAVE TO complete during break. Spring brings some exciting opportunities. I have upcoming conferences, cemetery tours, and historic places to visit. I will also be participating in this Hollywood Cemetery event!