Sunday, November 16, 2014

... with this ring, I thee GWEEE..



wedding band and black diamond heart promise-to-me-from-me ring

Americans spent almost $7 billion on diamond rings in 2012. This wasn’t the case back in 1938 when diamond sales were at an all-time low. This was partly due to the Great Depression and partly because diamonds were considered a waste of good money that could be used for household goods. Of course, this was also when De Beers, who controlled the world supply of rough diamonds, decided to engage in a little sentimental campaigning. The story continues but our love for diamonds really boils down to good ol’ marketing.  I’m not knocking the love of jewelry by any means. In fact, I love jewelry and spend way too much on it too often. But, I am not a lover of diamonds. I don’t think they’re awful; they’re just not my go-to stone.

3.81 cts. MONTANA PYROPE GARNET
When I was little, I was very close with my maternal grandmother to the point that she would tell me that when she died her diamond engagement rings and wedding bands would be left to me. Because that isn’t at ALL creepy or weird when you’re a little girl :-/ My grandmother had two sets. The original set is made up of tiny diamonds in an elaborate vintage setting. Years later, my grandfather gave her a larger diamond solitaire (a ¼ carat) in a plain setting. I recall that both of these sets, worth very little monetarily and much more emotionally, were part of heated discussions by my mother’s sisters who each have daughters. For various reasons, my grandmother wanted to leave the rings to me instead of dividing them between my cousins. I could go on a little family commentary about how I believe that based on the character of my cousins and their mothers that the rings and the diamonds would have been hocked over the years but that’s really not the point of this tale. My grandmother’s rings sat in various jewelry boxes for years… and years… and years. When I was in high school, my mother had the older set sized for me to wear on special occasions but because it was yellow gold I never wore it much so again they waited in a box. A few years back, after my second marriage ended and I indeed sold my engagement ring, a ¾ carat Princess cut stone, I took the money along with my grandmother’s second diamond to a jeweler and had the ring reset from a simple yellow gold band to one that I would wear… and twisted setting surrounded by black diamonds. I wear the ring daily and it indeed reminds me of my grandmother whom I’m named after.

Coffiny ring & grandma's diamond reset
When my fella and I became engaged last year we did so in an unconventional way just as much of our relationship has been. We were standing in the middle of a jewelry store on Black Friday. We were only at the mall because my fella needed an oil change and the mall was just down the street. Instead of heading home we figured we would kill time and window shop. As I was looking at a gorgeous black sapphire ring with links (like a bracelet so that it wiggled!) and being mesmerized by its beauty, my fella simply said, “I think I’ve found your ring”. He was right. It was a black rhodium diamond ring with marquise shape accents that includes just enough of a vintage appeal for me to fall in love. Our engagement was more of a decision instead of a *Surprise! Will you marry me?* proposal. In the end, I got the perfect ring for me at about ½ of the price of the ring I was ogling in the store.

For over a year I heard the “Where’s the engagement ring?” Many of my friends didn’t even know we were engaged because I didn’t wear one and we didn’t make an official announcement. Again and again, we wanted this to be about our marriage… not a wedding or an engagement. But, I am a girl who is very much like a crow. I love rings and all things that sparkle so when I saw a chunky black diamond heart on Etsy, my own heart nearly melted. Maybe I needed an engagement ring, I wondered.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that I simply wanted the stone because it was cool. I didn’t need a symbol of a commitment… or did I? I’ve noted that this wasn’t my first or second marriage. Each time I’ve somehow lost myself. This time, I promised, would be different. At that moment I realized that I needed a promise ring TO ME FROM ME. Of course, I had already gifted myself with a few rings—my grandmother’s new setting; and, I had found a garnet that was shaped a bit like a cartoony coffin which I had set in a ring with black diamonds. Nevertheless, when you’re going to truly COMMIT to yourself why follow the one ring norm?! I bought that black diamond heart that was set in a cheap (read that as crappy) silver setting with the idea that I would have it reset. I did. Yesterday I picked it up with new little garnet friends dancing down the new ring. Joining the other rings on my fingers, I now have a new setting and a recommitment to myself. I will be who I am; this marriage will allow me to grow, not disappear. And oh my, look at those pretty stones.

12 comments:

  1. Those are some pretty rings; I bought myself a ring not long after I got married. I was losing myself too and it was a nice way for me to stay true to me. I got a simple claddagh with a ruby in the heart. Part of me was still holding onto my own heart not wanting to completely give it away. I think it is healthy for any relationship to work. I was Sylvie before I became a wife.

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    1. Thanks! And AWESOME! I like I understand how you feel. After two divorces, I pretty much thought I was broken and the system that I was following was broken. I was Sharon first. And that's who my fella liked... not the wife version of me but me.

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  2. I watched a special on diamonds and how they're marketed. Apparently long before diamonds it was more common to use rubies and emeralds. Don't get me wrong, I love my diamond engagement ring, but damn I would love some rubies and emeralds lol. It always floors me when I watch Antiques Roadshow and these elderly ladies are sporting gorgeous jewelry that they paid next to nothing for, way back when, and now they're worth tens of thousands of dollars!

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    1. Antiques Roadshow is like eye candy! I especially love when someone who loves their items more than anything is told that it's worth a zillion dollars. When asked what they'll do with it, they respond "love it" :D

      I remember reading how it was customary for royalty to use garnets. Any jeweler around here would try to convince you that because they are soft and scratch easily they're lesser. I remember explaining to a jeweler that I didn't plan on gardening in my rings. She replied, "most women never want to take off their rings". I've never been *most women*.

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  3. Your grandma was clever giving the rings to the right child!

    I don't particularly like diamonds either, the look doesn't impress me that much , I love garnet, amethyst and other semi precious stones and also know that none of them have a dark history as some diamonds do. I think ones passed down the family are lovely though.

    Speaking of giving people things when you are dead, apparently when I was a tiny tot and was taken to a neighbours 21st I asked her if I could have one of her presents after she died. People laughed but I have the suspicion her mum never forgave me!

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    1. Ha ha ha ha I love when kids say stuff like that. They're just so honest :D No telling the things I said....

      I have a friend who researched and researched for a non-conflict diamonds for nearly a year. The blood diamond concern is puzzling. Why not opt for another precious stone or buy from an antique store? I guess some want *new* but I like when my pieces tell a story.

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  4. I love the black and garnet rings too!

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    1. I had a jeweler tell me that black diamonds were really not precious stones. I don't think she cared for the chunky nature of the cut. I responded that I would wear it if it were plastic. Cool is cool.

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  5. I'm not a diamond girl either.

    My first engagement ring was a Turquoise and Silver thing that bent and broke as did the marriage.

    The second was a small Diamond that I didn't like but was given with love. I wore it until the stone fell out in the garden one day.

    Now I sport none but my wedding band. My hands work and rings just seem to get in my way.

    Your rings are lovely and make me rethink my bare hands.

    Wear them proudly.

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    1. Quite poetic!

      When I was a teen, I wore multiple rings on my fingers and even wore those little rings half way up the finger. I think I had about 16. Now wearing four is more than enough.

      Thank you.

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  6. My husband and I were just talking about the who diamond marketing/birthstone thing a few days ago! It actually makes me angry to think that people are spending months of their salaries to buy these rings. And of course the whole blood diamond thing. Lovely rings and a thoughtful read

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    1. I've always thought the *2 or 3 months salary rule* was the most ridiculous thing ever! I can't imagine being the kind of girl who expects her partner to spend that kind of money. I'm not saying, don't have expensive nice things. It's just that I can fall in love with a piece of plastic jewelry just as easily as I can fall in love with a pricey item.

      Thank you!

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