... the broken glass...

As bloggers, we open up ourselves to readers and often reveal our personal business. I try to keep others’ privacy. This post may not seem that way but I assure you that I am writing it from my own perspective and am trying my best to respect my family.

 

That being said, this morning’s post included that I would be going to help my dad clean out my brother and his ex-wife’s storage unit. It’s important to note that she still has me listed as “sister” under her Facebook relationships (because we all know that that is oh-so-significant). She has moved on and I think from the pictures and posts her new fella seems great. Her family seems happy too. I’m silently waiting to be unfriended… even though we did become friends, I’m a friend because she was married to my brother. 

While I will mourn that moment that she forever disappears, I also pray for it because then I’ll know that she has truly moved on.

Cleaning out the unit, I had a list of personal items that she wanted to keep. Writing that the storage unit was a mess would be an understatement. And because the items have been in a non-climate controlled unit for six plus years, the boxes were starting to deteriorate. For the most part, I found her wish-list items with a few pieces completely missing because good lord those two couldn’t pack but they didn’t really have time… but that’s another story and one that is not mine to share.

The point of this blog is about loss. I’ve divorced twice and each time it was messy and complicated but in the end, I was okay… even happier. I’m trying to remember that. What I never considered was how my friends and family members were experiencing a loss too. Once my dad even asked if he could contact my ex so that the two of them could attend an event together. My response was something like, “OHMYGOD DAD! NO!!!!”  Only after I found out about my brother and ex-sister-in-law’s divorce could I understand how my father felt. These people we attach ourselves to become family. How did I never understand this? I was so caught up in my own relationship ending that I failed to remember this. 

Our culture has so many rituals for relationships beginning and how to include family and friends; yet, we don’t have any for the end of relationships… for family and friends that is.

Today when I was going through the boxes, I found one of the coolest wedding keepsakes that I’ve ever seen. I never saw this in their home. It’s the glass from the end of the wedding ceremony. The one that is shattered and everyone shouts of "Mazel Tov.” A company has taken the pieces and created a custom-cast lucite keepsake. With it, I found the card which reveals the symbolism behind the tradition. The last paragraph sent me in a blubbering of tears to my fella. “We must always remember the care required to maintain” all of our bonds—to our spouse, our significant others, our best friends, our loved ones. Relationships must be nurtured if they are to remain alive. Always tell loved ones, "I love you" and mean it. I spent about five hours at the storage unit with my father. He's nearly 77 and while healthy, that is a great amount of work. We laughed about our father-daughter bonding while trading swears about my brother's packing habits. But seriously, the day was sad for both of us, for my mother, and for my now ex-sister-in-law whom I was texting throughout the day.

Here the keepsake will sit on my bookshelf because I didn’t have the heart to throw it away and neither of them wants to be reminded of the sadness.  I look at it and I am reminded of my participation in their wedding, how she pulled me into the circle when she was dancing with only women in her family. My family is Catholic but that meant something to me. I was her family and she was mine. Now I am grieving their divorce again although it was several years ago, and I am grieving my own disconnect from what was our family. I am also reminded to take heed of my own relationships and make sure that they, like the little flowers that will soon sprout in my garden, are being nurtured too.